So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
