This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
