We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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