I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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