I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
