i just had sex bonerless
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
