No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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