I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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