How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
