This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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