You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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