Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
