beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
