it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
