you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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