How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize