When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
