Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
