come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
