HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You smell like stripper and shame
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
