Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i barfeds in our rink
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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