no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
