the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
