what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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