i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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