Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
