i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
