I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
