I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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