There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
