Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
