im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
