I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
