honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
this hospital has no fireball
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
