How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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