Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
