Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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