Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
