I looked at my own cervix.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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