I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
