Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
