there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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