I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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