now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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