That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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