I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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