coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i drank out of a bidet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
