The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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