hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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