Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
