I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
