chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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