you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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