exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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