I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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