I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
is that a dick in a sweater?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
