I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
