the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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