I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
