Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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