I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
