I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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