her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
