I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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