hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
