I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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