Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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