I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
