he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My ass is underappreciated
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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