he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You're a waste of cheezeits
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
