Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
