I want to have your abortion
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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