Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
