Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
