What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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