they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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