Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
