When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had sex on a roof
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
