I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
