I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
