As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
