Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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