The maid of honor just puked.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
