You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
