You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
