...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
