Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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