I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
